i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
