Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
