nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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