I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
