i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
