Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
