I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
