I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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