I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
