And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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