she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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