OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
