three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
