Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
