I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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