my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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