Your dad touched me again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
