you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
