i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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