whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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