Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
