He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
