do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
