textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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