good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
