What a fucking waste of an outfit
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
