Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
