its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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