Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
