I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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