My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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