After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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