Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
