why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
