Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
