I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
