My hand turned me down
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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