SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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