I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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