Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
