if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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