I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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