And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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