Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
