1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
