I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Two words: nipple clamps
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