I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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