He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
