I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
