The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
