whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
