Having a random hookup so left but love u
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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