if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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