pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
