make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
