So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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