you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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