Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
two words...techno handjob
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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