Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
