She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
