singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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